LANDLADY LAW

Based on my extensive experience as a tenant (1 year 1 month) and observations on myriad landladies (2), I now boldly proceed to state the QUINTESSENTIAL LANDLADY THEOREM. I will keep on adding corollaries to it in the future:

COROLLARIES OF THE QUINTESSENTIAL LANDLADY THEOREM:
1. All landladies in the United States have Daschund dogs
2. All landladies in the United States address you as 'honey' or 'sweetie'.

Of course, the latter corollary was a source of considerable consternation for me, especially after only hearing it on the telephone. But then I met the kindly old lady, and became well aware of her universal and shrewd use of the phrase (in an attempt to beguile, secure, and finally keep tenants for life)