CULTURE CAVEATS...

I have a good friend, who was telling me the other day, that apparently fifty percent or so of 11th and 12th standard students in Pune 'are in a relationship' (whatever that means). Actually she was just talking about one particular college, but having seen the college going 'junta' from Pune for a long time, I don't hesitate to extend the phenomenon, nay, to magnify it, to other colleges too.
I have to say that this is a manifest change from 'our times' (127 year old as I have become...). Seriously. When I was in 12th standard (and that too in Ferguson), I knew of only one or two 'couples'. Although I don't want to sound like a prude, I fear that this may be another borrowed element of Western culture, borrowed without rhyme and reason like many others, that could cause big problems. Even in the US, where such early relationships have been part of societal structure for a considerable time, one continuously sees youngsters struggling to understand their relationships and suffering because of their inability to do so.
This inability seems to get carried over into their married lives, which frequently don't stay stable for long.

Especially in our Indian society where deep human relationships form a core set of beliefs, I think that this transition has the potential to cause a huge amount of confusion and consternation in the minds of many young people. The question really boils down to; is it ok to be in a relationship (at least the way it is defined in western culture) at an early age?
There may be many exceptions, but by and large, I think that one should think a hundred times before getting into any such thing. A couple of reasons that may appear obvious but which I think always make sense:
1. Maturity levels in this context are generally low at that age. One doesn't usually know 'what he/she wants'. Most of the times, the attraction is temporary, possibly physical, and ends up turning out as an infatuation. Based on statistics, I know very very people who had 'decided to get married' in school, and actually ended up doing it many years later (and are married, at least until now...)
2. The 'commitment' (real or imagined) as well the pain (definitely real) can create many distractions, to say the least, and in a few cases can cause deep psychological problems, which are uncalled for at a crucial stage of life.
3. In general, aping elements from other cultures without realising whether they will fit in in the general form and structure of your society can always create trouble. Again, it takes a certain maturity level to realise this, which may be absent at that stage.
4. In the US, I believe that casual realtionships were basically a result of two things; informality and non-conformism (not to mention physical attraction). In India, given our current society and traditions, both of these would be way too much premature and destructive.
(Interestingly, if someone had told me this when I was a teenager, I could possibly have tossed it aside with the typical hubris of teensense!)

So am I consternated? Not really, given human nature. But I have to say I did not think things would progress to such a stage so soon. (But then I also did not think every kid from 8th standard and his brother would have a cell-phone so soon...) One advantage of living away from home is that it is possible to some extent, to take a detached view, to 'step out of the system', and make objective evaluations. :-)
I believe that Indian society is very complex, more so than most others in the world. It is difficult to even make objective judgements within the constraints of our social structure itself. But indulging in an action because it's OK in some other culture carries the constant risk of confusion and despair. This is not as far-fetched and hard to find as it sounds. Many of us speak American phrases, eat American food, listen to American music, and wear American style clothes. Many of us don't do all of this because we actually like it a lot. We do it simply because we don't want to be different from our peers. We just 'started doing it' until it was a natural part of our social existence and 'not a big deal' ;). Peer acceptance, especially at a young age, is a human necessity, and there's nothing wrong with adopting attitudes which will facilitate it to some extent. However, when we step into the wobbly foundation of relationships, we cannot let peer acceptance dominate our actions. That is a line which is truly distinct from other cultural and social lines.
So, without sounding like an overly avuncular 'ajoba', let me just say one, simple, cliche thing to my 'antecessors'; "Look before you leap"...